


Musketeers Got Nothing on You and You and Me

by veteratorianvillainy (skeptics_secret)



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Tony Stark, Pepper and Rhodey roll their eyes a lot, Pining, Tony Stark never thinks good things are his
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:43:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skeptics_secret/pseuds/veteratorianvillainy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Setting Rhodey and Pepper up on a date is one of Tony's best ideas to date. He ignores the part of him that says it's also one of the most painful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Musketeers Got Nothing on You and You and Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [archwrites (Arch)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arch/gifts).



> Surprise! I'm your secret santa. Hope you enjoy this. I gave it the old college try <3

Convincing Rhodey was easier than convincing Pepper. Tony had had whole decades to work on Rhodey and convince him that the easiest way out of most any argument was to just give into whatever brilliant idea Tony had brought to him. Getting Rhodey to agree to the date was the work of a mere half hour and a minimum amount of bribery in the form of War Machine upgrades (they both knew Tony would make the upgrades anyway, but the charade was another staple of their friendship, reenacted a hundred times at least over the course of many years).

Talking Pepper into it was another matter entirely. She'd had too much practice at telling Tony no for him to be able to wear her down through sheer persistence. Getting Pepper to agree to a date was a multistep process that required everything to go perfectly. It started with making the Board happy – not hard to do if one stockpiled inventions for a couple months and then dumped them on the Board all at once. Then one announced that one had accepted an invitation to speak at a small but prestigious microtech conference and one would therefore be out of the hair of one's PA-turned-CEO for at least a week. Then one mixed up the dirtiest martini one knew how to. Then, and only then, could one push forward the idea of a date with one's very decorated and upstanding best friend.

And handsome. One should also remind her that he's handsome.

And smart. Literal rocket scientist from MIT after all. Who wouldn't want a piece of that?

In the end, one didn't need to show the PowerPoint about why the date was a brilliant idea. It didn't stop one from verbally relaying the salient points anyway.

"Two smart, beautiful people are just meant to be together, Pep. It's the equilibrium the world will always tend toward."

Pepper sighed lightly down the phone line, papers shuffling in the background. "I know it may seem like I haven't been listening Tony – because I've been trying quite hard not to – but even after all these years, I still haven't mastered the trick of ignoring you. Of course, even if I had, I'd still have heard you because you have been making this exact argument since I agreed to the date two weeks ago." 

She snorted delicately, something Tony was sure no person alive but Pepper could manage. "Should I repeat that so you might actually hear me? I _agreed_. I am going on a date with Rhodey. And may I remind you that I have known James Rhodes for nearing two decades and I don't, in fact, need you to sell me on his finer points, having seen most of them firsthand."

There was a long pause, Pepper putting her pen down as the silence drew out.

"…you know what you haven't seen firsthand yet?"

Pepper sighed out a laugh. "I'm hanging up on you now."

She couldn't cut the connection quite fast enough to miss Tony hurriedly adding, "It's very impressive, you know!"

 

 

 

Tony stared at the wet bar. The bar stared tauntingly back.

He'd received two texts back to back informing him that while on their date, Rhodey and Pepper would have their phones off. That had been thirty minutes ago and Tony had been eyeing the scotch since.

It wasn't…he was happy they were on the date. He'd _set up_ the date. He was _thrilled_ they were on the date. He just…he hadn't taken anyone home in a while. He was a little lonely, okay. Nothing he couldn't easily fix. All he needed was five minutes in any bar and he could walk out with his choice of partner.

Instead, he continued to stare at his hands, still empty. For now.

 

 

 

"Come on, Tones, I told you; gentlemen don't kiss and tell. I'm not gossiping about my date with Pepper just because you couldn't figure out how to spy on us one our phones were off."

Tony threw an affronted look over his shoulder, but they both knew it was for show so he didn't bother saying anything before turning back to the gauntlet in front of him. He was pretty sure it belonged to the War Machine armor though. Probably shouldn't put anything experimental in it then. Pepper frowned on him giving others untested tech (well, she frowned on him using it himself too, but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her. Usually).

Tony only realized a silence had stretched between them when Rhodey broke it, sounding too fond. "Fess up, man, how long did you spend trying to hack our phones? The phones, may I remind you, that you gave us while assuring us that if we wanted to get off-grid, even you couldn't find us."

Tony chucked a stray wire coil behind him. Judging by Rhodey's laughter, he'd missed his target by quite a bit. "Rude. I'm revoking your access codes. JARVIS, make a note, James Rupert Rhodes' codes are hereby null and void."

"Of course, Sir." Sometimes, Tony was quite proud of his AI. Other times, JARVIS used tones that Tony was sure hadn't been learned from him. This particular flavor of patronization must have come from someone else.

"Alright, man, I can take a hint. I'll just be going. You make sure you get my baby back to me in one piece, you hear me?"

" _Your_?! _Your_ baby? Excuse me, my armor, my baby. These are all my babies. You – you are merely borrowing my baby and taking abysmal care of it too, by the way. Dings everywhere. Scratches. Where'd you learn to park anyway? What would the public think if they knew the venerable Lt. Col. James Rhodes parked the suit like a drunk?"

Rhodey scoffed, much closer behind him than Tony had realized. "Takes one to know one."

Tony made to turn to face him, but Rhodey was already slinging an arm around Tony's shoulders, pulling him back against Rhodey's chest in a weird parody of a hug. Before Tony could lean back into it or figure out what to do with his arms, Rhodey was pulling away. "Try to remember the lab safety guidelines, would you? War Machine doesn't mean much if his dad isn't around to fix him up." 

He was gone before Tony could do more than open his mouth. It was for the best probably. He couldn't seem to talk around the sudden tightness in his chest.

Probably just the arc reactor.

 

 

 

Tony wasn't hiding in the gym, per se. He just…happened to be somewhere he really hoped no one would think to look for him. And if Happy wasn't here, then there was no reason for anyone to suspect Tony might be. And if anyone asked, he was just trying to find somewhere away from Dum-E where he could safely blend a smoothie without hurting the bot's feelings (his life had gone off the rails somewhere and he'd started worrying about offending robots that he'd built. He tried not to think about where he'd be if he were still on those rails).

"Tony?"

He wondered if he might have been spared this bit at least. "Yeah, Pep, back here."

Pepper poked her head into the kitchenette, raising a single perfect brow at the jeans and smoothie combo that hinted at Tony being in the gym for something other than a workout. The charming grin felt stiff on his face, but he pushed on, offering the blender pitcher to her. "It's peanut butter and jelly. I think. It was supposed to be anyway."

Pepper's lips pressed together, twitching as she fought a smile. "No, thank you Tony. Maybe you could interest Rhodey in a glass." 

Her eyes were dancing as she moved to stand more fully in the doorway, leaving room for Rhodey to step up next to her. He slid an arm casually around her waist and dropped a kiss to her cheek. "What exactly are you volunteering me for? Because blindly accepting things when it's got to do with Tones has gotten me into the kinds of situations that will prevent me from ever seeking public office." He shot a wink at Tony as Pepper his a laugh in Rhodey's shoulder.

Tony was glad for once that he didn't have Steve's strength, because the handle of the blender would be nothing but shattered glass otherwise. 

Belatedly, he realized they were both watching him expectantly. Only a little awkwardly, he tipped the pitcher toward Rhodey. "Peanut butter and jelly smoothie?"

Rhodey squeezed Pepper's waist, and Tony tried not to let on that his heart was feeling an even tighter squeeze as they laughed brightly. "Why am I always the one who has to drink the smoothies? Dum-E still tried to make me motor and pickle smoothies because I drank it that one time."

The noise that escaped Pepper would have been considered a squawk from anyone else, but her eyes were glittering with unshed tears as she leaned back. "You drank one of Dum-E's smoothies? Why on earth would you take that risk?"

Tony couldn't remember if it used to hurt like this when Rhodey grinned at him, like they were sharing the joke. " _Somebody_ convinced me that it would be detrimental to Dum-E's development if I didn't take the smoothie and pretend to enjoy it." Pepper was shaking with silent laughter, looking like Rhodey was the only thing keeping her up as he continued, "I probably should have realized that I was the only one with a 'special' drink."

Pepper was wheezing lightly now, but Tony couldn't seem to figure out what to do with his face or the blender still held in front of him. He couldn't tell if the expression he was wearing was working or if Rhodey was just to nice to say anything, but his grin softened into a smile. "Why don't you put the blender down and come out with us, Tones? We're hitting Frederica's for dinner and Giovanni's added fresh cannolis to the dessert menu."

Pepper had regained her composure and joined Rhodey in looking at him hopefully. Apparently, he was failing even worse that he thought if they were inviting him along on their date night. That was a whole new level of pathetic, even for him.

He hugged the blender pitched back to himself and hoped his grimace could be read as regretful. "Have a new harness I'm finishing for Hawkeye so it's easier for me or the thunder puppy to get him up to his perch." The blender was brandished in front of him as he tried to squeeze through the doorway past his best friends, still talking. "Can't have him being dropped in the middle of a battle, you know. Bad for team morale. No time to waste obviously; never know when we're gonna need it, really ought to get it finished now. Have fun though, really. Tell Giovanni I'll catch him next time."

He was thankfully out of the gym by then, Rhodey and Pepper staring after him from the doorway. If only he could leave the knot in his stomach so easily behind.

 

 

 

The problem with only having two best friends and then setting them up with one another was that it left him with no one to make plans with in order to avoid them. He could only use Avengers' business as an excuse so many times before it lost its efficacy. Or until Pepper called up Coulson to ask that she be kept in the loop about Avengers' business so that she could run Stark Industries with some sort of input from its namesake. 

There were some truly terribly life choices that Tony had made, but installing Pepper as CEO was not one of them. Giving her override codes for the workshop, however, definitely qualified.

"JARVIS, could you bring the music down please?" Pepper didn't even have to raise her voice to get the AI to respond. 

Tony didn't hide the betrayed look he shot at one of JARVIS' cameras. "Asimov's Laws of Robotics –”

"Are trite and simple-minded, by your own estimation, Sir," JARVIS cut in, sounding amused. 

Tony was very proud of that particular tone, even if he didn't appreciate the timing. He also didn't bother deigning that with a response (not least because it did sound like something he would say). Instead, he turned back to his workbench and hoped Pepper would miraculously decide to leave.

He'd never been that lucky before, so he wasn't surprised when he wasn't that lucky now.

"Phil says there isn't any sort of Avengers' business tonight." Pepper said it casually, but Tony knew better. There was a trap being baited and she was trying to get him to engage. He bit his tongue on the urge to tell her that Coulson's first name was Agent.

The sound of high heels was startlingly loud since JARVIS had decided to turn off the music instead of merely turning it down. Tony couldn't even begin to remember what he was working on, but he made a good show of tinkering with whatever it was in front of him anyway. 

The back of his neck started itching as the silence between them stretched. Pepper had the patience of a saint and Tony didn't. In the waiting game, he'd never once won against Pepper, but that didn't mean that he'd give in without a fight.

He could feel Pepper boring a hole into the back of his head with her gaze and tried to keep his movement from looking like he was fidgeting. He wasn't fidgeting. His fingers just happened to be doing something without express input from him.

Something sparked in front of him, and he yelped as it caught his finger. He turned as he stuck it in his mouth so he could glare balefully at Pepper. Somehow this was her fault, even if she looked unsuitably untroubled about his pain. She was also looking at him as if she knew he was about to crack.

There was almost nothing he hated more than being predictable. Unfortunately, waiting was that one thing he hated more. "Fine, what, why are you down here looking at me expectantly when I'm pretty sure I haven't missed any deadlines or skipped out on any Board meetings; JARVIS, I do any of those things recently?"

"You have been remarkably diligent about your Stark Industries duties of late, Sir." Tony ignored the condescension in JARVIS' voice, too busy gesturing at Pepper in a manner meant to convey a message of 'there, you see.'

Pepper raised a brow at him, obviously waiting for him to realize _something_. The problem, Tony thought, was that there were so many things she could actually be here about. It was a matter of figuring out how long ago he'd done the thing that she was upset about. The current record was eleven months.

"Cute as this staring contest is, it's Date Night, so can we get a move on?"

Tony broke where he and Pepper had indeed locked gazes. "JARVIS, buddy, what happened to announcing people when they show up in the workshop?"

"My apologies, Sir. Lt. Col. Rhodes has used the code which you had given him back to gain access to the workshop. My congratulations on your promotion, by the way."

Rhodey shot a lazy salute at the ceiling "Thanks, JARVIS. Now if you two are quite finished?" He leaved a hip against one of the workshop tables, arms crossed over his chest.

Tony had to remind himself that it wasn't considered socially adept to stare at the way one's best friend filled out a button down shirt. Especially when he was here to pick up his girlfriend, one's other best friend. Right. "Don't let me keep you two. Enjoy your date night."

He'd spun halfway back around to his workbench when Pepper spoke. "Bit hard to do that with one of my boyfriends avoiding us."

Halting his spin and changing direction turned out to be surprisingly difficult when his brain seemed to be doing a hard reboot. "What?" Not his best moment, admittedly.

Rhodey snorted. "Did you think we hadn't noticed you avoiding us, Tones? We may be busy, but we're not so busy that we missed that one."

Tony blinked. He blinked again. And a third time. Somewhere in his brain there was some kind of disconnect. Not that Rhodey had noticed him avoiding them. He'd known it was only a matter of time before they caught on and called him on it. It was…the other thing, tripping him up.

"What?"

Pepper looked like she was trying not to laugh and mostly failing. "For a genius, you've been frustratingly oblivious. Who knew it really would be that difficult to get a date with The Tony Stark? Apparently there's no home court advantage." She was grinning as she stepped closer, reaching out a finger to gently close his mouth where he realized it was hanging open. "You went twelve for thirteen with the cover models from Maxim and getting asked out for Date Night is what sets you on your heels?"

Rhodey pushed off from the table, crossing the workshop so he could slip an arm around Pepper's shoulders. The grins they wore were matched and impish. "Come on, Tones. Don't make us beg. It was hard enough cornering you together and we're not without our skills."

"I can't believe we really thought you had that much Avengers' business. I blame fanboy here." Pepper rolled her eyes fondly as Rhodey gave a token protest.

"In my defense, it's a new team. Lots of details to work out. People coming together in a way they never have before. There's a lot to figure out there."

Tony was amazed that he could hear anything over his heart thumping in his ears. He was ever more amazed when his voice came out with only a slight waver. "Are we still talking about the Avengers?"

Rhodey shrugged easily. "Only a little. Mostly we're talking about the part where you set me and Pepper up and then failed to include yourself. I can say conclusively that at least two-thirds of the parties involved aren't thrilled with how that's gone."

Pepper caught Tony's gaze, refusing to look away. "We strongly suspect the last third of the parties involved is also not pleased with how it's working out. We just can't figure why you didn't do anything about it."

There was every possibility this was a dream. In fact, there was every probability that it was. There was a miniscule chance – microscopic, really – that it wasn't a dream though, and the part of him that latched onto that sliver of hope was the part that knew was likely to get called on any lie he tried to tell right then. It was also, apparently, the part in control of his tongue. "It didn't seem necessary."

Pepper's expression turned serious and Tony wished he could break his gaze away from hers. "You mean, _you_ didn't seem necessary."

There wasn't any way to answer that but with a shrug. Pepper's brows furrowed, just a bit, and she opened her mouth as if to say something.

"No, you know what?" Rhodey cut in. "We're not doing this tonight. Look, me and Pepper, we like you. Like you like you, or whatever. You and me, we like Pepper, I'm pretty sure in the same way, just like I'm pretty sure you and Pepper like me. And in the morning, we're gonna have a conversation about all this, and you're not gonna be allowed to say anything about not deserving this or not being good enough, because frankly, that's bullshit. And we'll talk about why you seemed to think we were better off without you. But that's for the morning.

"Because for right now, it's Date Night, and we're gonna order pizza and go up to your floor. We're gonna sit on the couch and sandwich you in the middle. We're gonna put on Return of the Jedi, and you and I are gonna argue about which Yoda is better, during which time you will be wrong, and Pep will gush over Harrison Ford more than any person rightfully should. We're gonna drink beer because none of us is driving home, and we're gonna have a sleepover in your living room so you can't sneak away while we're sleeping.

"Because we're yours, Tony. If you don't want us in that way, we're still yours, just in a different way."

Pepper cut in, bumping their hips together. "We've stood by you for decades. What made you think you could get rid of us now?"

Tony wondered how long he'd been waiting to say these words. He decided he'd waited long enough. "You're my best friends in the world. My most important people. You'll always be my most important people, but you say I can keep you, then I don't plan on ever giving you back. 

"I've laid my company, my reputation, and my life on the line to hang onto the Iron Man armor, but I would give up every Mark I've got for you two. Just so we're clear." He was panting lightly, and for a moment in the silence that followed, he feared he'd scared them off before they'd really had a chance.

Then Pepper grinned. "Is that all, Mr. Stark?"

He could practically hear the reactor sing in his chest. "That'll be all, Ms. Potts."

There was another beat of silence. Rhodey snorted. "You two sicken me. Just for that, I'm ordering anchovies." He reached for his phone, already heading out of the workshop. "Anchovies and strawberries!"

Tony couldn't stop himself from beaming at Pepper, offering his arm as he stood with a teasing half bow. "Shall we?"

Pepper took his arm with a bright grin. "We shall indeed."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have admittedly not read much of this ship so I'm hoping no one is glaringly out of character and you'll all indulge my need for fluff.
> 
> Also: for the record, there should probably be more of a starter conversation if this were real life. I also left out the convo that Pepper and Rhodey very def had about including Tony. If enough of you want it, I do have some ideas about how exactly that went.
> 
> Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed. You can find me at [VeteratorianVillainy](http://veteratorianvillainy.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, and my writing tumblr at [VeteratorianVirago](http://veteratorianvirago.tumblr.com/)


End file.
